LG Incite (CT810) Cell Phone

I've owned a dozen phones over the years and this is by far the worst phone ever. For the last six months I have suffered with it and thought daily how I would attempt to relate to you just how bad it is, and often felt stymied at how overwhelming a task it would be to detail its failings.

First let me say I am not a technophobe. I work in technology and have no problem learning how to use complicated technology. This is a phone that tries to compete with the iPhone and falls so completely short as to be laughable.

This phone is nearly impossible to use. From interface design, to performance, to features it is a giant fail.

First off, imagine using a dumbed down version of Windows on a screen the size of a credit card, complete with a microscopic start button and drop down menus and everything. Every application and menu has remarkably counter-intuitive controls (like pressing a tiny OK in the top right of the screen to close every application, for a single ubiquitous example). This is an interface apparently designed by blind monkeys.

Add to that a touch screen that becomes radically miscalibrated every other time you use it resulting in a game of Guess Where the Stylus Will Register. More than half the time I was activating the wrong feature or button, then struggling to get back to where I was so I could try my luck again. Trying to send text messages or email in this context was insane. I found I had a certain talent pressing touch screen buttons 2 to 5 millimeters above or below where they appeared on the screen.

Several times a day I had to remove the batteries because the screen was so miscalibrated I could not even turn it off. The phone locked up so often, removing the battery became a regular aspect of using it.

Trying to answer a ringing Incite is a dice roll. Reject the call or answer it, it's anyone's guess what will happen. I hung up on people trying to answer the phone more times than not.

The clever telescoping stylus was useful for a month. After that, it collapsed down every time I tried to use it. The stylus is tethered to the phone with a little string, so after I inevitably lost it, I replaced it with a stick that I whittled to a point.

When I got the phone I was excited that it had an MP3 player. I'd only ever previously owned super practical phones with no music player. As with most things with the Incite they managed to screw up even this basic modern feature. The interface was mysterious and the headphone volume so low on this phone that it was impossible to hear music. Completely inexplicable, since the ringer and the alarm could be set so loud as to startle you out of your wits.

I got this phone because I was excited about the WiFi capability. Having the Incite cured me of my high expectations. It was rare indeed that it was able to connect with existing WiFi networks.

Even checking the time was a hassle. As you know, the time of day is top secret information. You don't want just anyone knowing what time it is, so much of the time the Incite hides the time when your phone is locked. And since the automatic keylock required surgical precision, casually checking the time was an excruciating multi-button process. Thanks to the LG Incite for convincing me to go back to carrying a wristwatch.

Long start up and shut down times. I challenge you to turn off this phone in a theater without making a lot of noise (short of popping out the battery). Fancy loud swooshing noises though are supposed to impress you though.

Somehow the LG Incite makes even the contacts list, the most basic feature of a mobile phone, difficult to use. If you key in a contact as "Mom's Cell," the Incite will by default sagely hide it as "Cell, Mom's."

The contact app has two kinds of contact records, one with too little info and one with too much. Something to do with ActiveSync and Outlook (which is required to sync your contacts with a PC). More than once ActiveSync cleared all my new contacts with one of those alert boxes that pop up and tell you what disasterous thing it just did with a single button that says OK. No, it's not OK.

I never ran out of space to store text messages. That's cool. And it stores them as conversations, which is confusing at first, but works alright.

For the first four months, the battery was the only thing that I couldn't complain too much about. The last few months though, even sitting idle, the battery would only last 24 hours or so.

Honestly, I will think of another dozen ways in which I hate this phone after I submit this review. You will be better off with two tin cans and a string. Or save yourself a lot of heartache and stick with a reliable time-tested phone. Or if you really are dying for a smartphone, get an iPhone.