Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Picture Darth Vader stretching his arms out and screaming "Noooooo!" when he learns Padme is dead. It takes a good actor to pull the ole' "noooo" scream off. Hayden Christensen is not. In fact, he's pretty horrible. That part would fit better in Spaceballs or the gag reel of the DVD. I groaned from my seat.

(Update. Go to http://darthno.ytmnd.com/ and you can see this "NOOOOOO" is already being ridiculed...)

But first things first. Being the third episode and the last piece of the Star Wars story, I admit I had huge expectations for this film. And for the first 30 minutes or so, I was greatly enjoying this film. Anakin is a troubled guy in the beginning, hiding his marriage with Padme, but also an up-and-coming Jedi. He's already surpassed Obi-Wan in almost every way, and Obi-Wan admits it ungrudgingly. He's proud of his Padawan.

In the beginning, Anakin is still a nice kid. He's fiercly loyal to Obi-Wan, and continously risks his life to save his master, even though Obi-Wan tells him not too. When they're flying to General Grievous's ship, Anakin wants to pull out of formation to help some of the pilots out. Obi-Wan has to restrain him. Before his transformation, Anakin is still a kid who gets a kick out of telling his master "May the force be with you." Awww.

But of course, his forbidden love with Padme ruins everything. They are secretly married and she's pregnant. Of course, that goes against all the Jedi teachings. He's having nightmares about her dying, the same kind he had before his mother died. This time, is he strong enough? He vows to protect her. Chancellor Palpatine tells Anakin the story of a Sith Lord so powerful, he could prevent his loved ones from dying. He calls Anakin to the dark side.

So we've got a nice conflict here. Anakin is a loyal kind of guy and Palpatine has been mentoring him since he was a small child. However, Anakin is alarmed that Palpatine is a master of the dark side and turns him in. But then again, he is worried about his nightmares and wants the power to keep Padme from dying. Turns out arresting Palpatine isn't the easiest thing. Fast forward 5 minutes and Windu's dead, and Anakin's saying "What did I do?" with his lightsabre handle lying on the ground. Then Palpatine's like "Be my apprentice man" and Anakin's like "Dude. Okay" and then bows down to him. Okay not really, but the most pivotal moment of this movie was pulled off with no emotion and no struggle. Then the new Darth Vader goes on his first mission to kill some children.

Whatever happened? How did Anakin turn into the dark lord and start slashing down little kids in five minutes? After this transition, the whole movie goes downhill. I wanted to see Darth Vader question his actions. I wanted to see him run around and ask Palpatine to reassure him that he would indeed become the strongest Jedi ever. I know at some point he's got to become pure evil, but once he bowed down there was no turning back. He even chokes Padme for crying out loud and professes his plans to rule the galaxy. Where the hell did that come from? To see any good in Vader once he turns to the dark side, you have to fast forward to either Epi 5 or 6 when he refuses to kill his son. And throughout the movie, Anakin/Vader has the nasty habit of starting to circle around people while he's talking.

"Only the Sith deal with absolutes," says Obi-Wan. First of all, that statement is a paradox. Second of all, that's exactly what's wrong with this movie. Before the transformation, Anakin's a troubled soul. After, he's just pure evil. And that "after" part ruined the movie.

Portman continues to puzzle me. She does a horrible job here too, especially any parts when she professes love. There was one point where she said some serious line and everyone in the theater laughed. Pretty early on in the movie, I guess George Lucas finally realized that her and Anakin couldn't act, so in all the sad scenes from then on, it just showed them with tears. That's a lot easier than actually acting. I'll admit Darth Vader has a pretty boss-looking glare. Which is more than I can say for Palpatine. His acting was straight out of a parody movie with his maniacal giggles and pretty much all his speech in general.

For what it's worth, the movie was visually great. And the second time I see it, I'm just going to pretend the acting is good. Because lightsabres are lightsabres. Because Darth Vader's mask looks really cool. Because the betrayals are pulled off nicely. Because Natalie Portman is sooooo gorgeous. There's plenty of good in the movie, but it does have its glaring weaknesses. This movie probably had the highest expectations out of any Star Wars film, and it fell way short. Call me crazy, but the acting ruined the most highly anticipated movie of my life!

If you watch it strictly as an action movie, you'll enjoy it. However, if you know what kind of following these movies have, you'll understand that most people look for a little more when it comes to Star Wars.

Oh and parents, it's PG-13 only because Vader gets disfigured in one scene. There's no sex, no swearing, and no tits.

And on a last note, this is the last time I ever go to watch a movie in the theater with the intention of reviewing it. That may have ruined it for me.

xo,

underdawg


Sometimes the video games are better than the movie. A LOT better...
Star Wars: Knights Of The Old Republic
Star Wars: KOTOR 2

Seriously, they are both a lot more fun than this movie.